I used to think something was wrong with the way I
learned. Repetition didn’t stick. Instructions got lost. Words disappeared just
when I needed them and conversations moved too fast. It took me a long time to understand how my brain works differently.I have a combination of Dyspraxia, CAPD, Dysnomia, and Aphantasia. Each
one affects a different part of how I process the world. Together they
create a very specific way of thinking.
Meaning comes first
My mind works in whole ideas, not in
sentences. I don’t naturally build meaning step by step through words. Instead,
the meaning is already there and I have to translate it into language.
Why speaking is harder then writing
When I speak, I have to do several things at once:
I process what I hear, organise my thoughts, find the right words and say them
in order. All at the same time. Sometimes the words don’t come. Not because I don’t
know them but because they don’t arrive when I need them. So, I pause and search.
Writing is different.The idea unfolds naturally, almost like it already exists, and I’m just putting
it into words. There is no time pressure. I can pause, shape, and adjust. Sometimes I scan random text until a word clicks or use a thesaurus.
How I learn
Traditional learning often relies on repetition and
step-by-step instruction. That doesn’t work well for me.
What does work is: understanding the concept, connecting
it to something I already know and rebuilding it in my own way. To do that I
use metaphors, analogies, and patterns “this is like…” That’s how I create conceptual
hooks.
Most people start with words and build meaning
through sentences I start
with meaning and move toward words. That’s a different direction.
Why this matters
From the outside, this way of thinking can look
like difficulty: pauses in speech, slower responses, missing words
But underneath there is often a rich understanding and a strong sense of meaning. Understanding this has changed how I see myself. This isn’t just my story! I learned to adapt however and from that shift, this poem emerged:
Garden
of freedom
She kept on
loving, living, learning
after the world trembled
the ground splitting
beneath her sanctuary
She crossed
the deep blue ache,
emerging from the water
last droplets
sliding from her skin.
She
walked forward
alive
capable,
not by ease,
but by a quiet refusal
to let the world diminish her.
And slowly she shaped
a garden of freedom
wherever her feet fell,
a flower unfurled,
catching her breath
like a blessing,
like sunlight spilling
into a long-shadowed room.
