Wednesday 1 July 2009

Funny New Zealanders

photo from here
A friend send me this today
These were posted on an NZ Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humor. Q: Does it ever get windy in NZ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ). A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die. Q: Will I be able to see kiwi birds in the street? ( USA ) A: Depends how much you've been drinking. Q: I want to walk from Auckland to Wellington - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden ) A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in NZ? Can you send me a list of them in Auckland , Wellington , Christchurch and Queenstown ? ( UK ) A: What did your last slave die of? Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in NZ ? ( USA ) A: Africa is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe . New - Zealand is that island in the middle of the Pacific which does not ... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Auckland city . Come naked. Q: Which direction is North in NZ ? ( USA ) A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions. Q: Can I bring cutlery into NZ ? ( UK ) A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA ) A: New-Zealand is that quaint little country , which is ... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Auckland city , straight after the hippo races. Come naked. Q: Can I wear high heels in NZ ? ( UK ) A: You are a British politician, right? Q: Are there supermarkets in Auckland and is milk available all year round? ( Germany ) A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in NZ who can Dispense spider serum. ( USA ) A: poisonous spiders live in America which is where YOU come from. All NZ spiders are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets . You should find some for yourself when you get here. Especially the ones with white tails . Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in NZ ? ( USA ) A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather. Q: Can you tell me the regions in Auckland where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy ) A: Yes, gay night clubs. Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in NZ ? ( France ) A: Only at Christmas. Q: I was in NZ in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Wellington. Can you help? (UK) A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour. Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA ) A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first


  1. Funny answers and funny picture! I have so laughed.
    Thank you for sharing,Marja!
    Have a nice day!

  2. Marja!! You are in danger of becoming as cynical as Dickiebo! lol. Nice ones!

  3. Yes I shared them with someone at work and we kept on laughing

    Oh don't worry Dickiebo I am surely not but I can appreciate some fun

  4. hahahahah!!!
    What a funny card I kept laughing with tears over my cheeks, Grea post and the question and answers are also fun to read:)

    Thanks for answering my quessing photo (on my blog)I'll give tehe answer next week0

    Bye Funnygirl/woman (just kidding)
    "I know you can be serious too"

    Greetings JoAnn/Holland

  5. This was fun.. I needed a little smile today...:)))

  6. Pretty funny. I like number 2. The t-shirt bothers me, though. Poor little kiwi!


  7. My blog is actually my most serious part of me joann That's worrying isn't it

    That;s good dutches Laughing helps

    Don't worry Kat they give the him an anesthetic first before they make a kiwi fruit out of him
    I mean it is just a joke

  8. Oh Marja, this is SOOOOOOOOOOO FUNNY!!!!! can I copy them and send it off as emails to friends?

    Firstly, those officials sure have a good sense of humour, BUT secondly these people who asked the questions are quite moronic right? It's actually asking silly question..I wonder what they make of it when they read the answer..

    HAHAHAAAAAAA...TOO FUNNY, I needed that :P

  9. Of course MKate that's how I got them.
    I am not 100% sure if this really happened but in general people are quite ignorant about New Zealand and think we are quite backwards here.

  10. That is just soooo funny! (I have a big, big branch of my family in NZ, so I know that only some of those are true!! ;) )

  11. Ha,ha,ha!!! That's a great beginning of the day! I knew people asked stupid questions, but that stupid...?? Some people even don't know where my country lies and that we are a kingdom, and don't wear clogs all the time, sitting under a windmill with a bunch of tulips in our hands.

  12. These are great! Thanks for sharing.

  13. I will have to race to get up to Auckland in time to take off all my clothes and watch the hippo racing, then listen to the Choir. Thanks for pointing me in the right direction! Haha. Fun post, Marja.

  14. I think those same questions and responses, with slight variations, have been asked of a number of countries. Sad thing is that some of the questions are asked seriously.

    I have just posted photos of the tulips in Keukenhof on my blog. I hope they don't make you homesick.

  15. Yes I noticed that I found them for Australia as well but yes some strange questions are asked


Thank you!!