Christchurch earthquake Pie parody

Found in a local newspaper:

Many thanks to Dave for this joke
Gerry Brownlee walked into a bakery to get a steak pie. There were none left so the baker went out the back for fresh ones. On the way back he dropped the tray on the floor and some of the pies were damaged. "Sorry. We might be able to fix your pie. I'll ring P.I.S.S. - the Pie integrity and Structure Service. They'll be here in three hours.

"Why so long?" asked Gerry. "Normally only one pie is involved when we have an accident but this is an whole tray. It's the largest pie disaster in the Southern Hemisphere. Patience is required. Please take a seat and wait" Three and a half hours later two inspectors in fluorescent jackets arrived. Gerry asked, "What's the verdict on my steak pie?"

"Sorry. I'll call for someone to call and look at your pie. They'll be here in two hours. Please take a seat and wait." Gerry waited. After an hour he asked the baker if he could use the toilet. "I'm afraid not. You'd have to pass the pies to get there. Here's a bucket. Empty it outside when you are done."
"That's disgusting" "Don't worry. You'll get used to it." Two hours passed before the same two P.I.S.S. workers from earlier returned. "What's going on? yelled Gerry. "We've come to inspect your pie. We got the job sheet when we arrived back at the office, "they said as they finished their inspection. "Sign this and we'll send the rapport out to you".

Gerry waited. Another 3 hours passed before a courier walked in and gave the baker the rapport. "They have graded the pies A, B and C. We can repair the A and the B pies but the C pies are subject to a pastry rapport. If we repair them and the pastry fails it wouldn't be economical. We want our clients' pie equity kept intact. Your pie group is C. That report will take four hours".
Four hours later the head pie man, Master Baker, announced on television that the report was done but it would be another three hours before an interpretive report was finished.

Gerry waited. Two hours and 55 minutes later the baker was picking up the A and B pies for repairing when he slipped and dropped the pies on the floor. Gerry jumped to his feet, eyes glaring. "Don't worry, I'll call P.I.S.S.. They'll treat this as a new incident and will be here shortly to do a report. Please take a seat".