Influencing the behaviour of children

2 souvenirs are on the post I still wait for one reply.
I was busy this week working on an assignment for a course for work so I haven't visited most of you, but will catch up soon. I will take some stuff out of my assignment and present it to you. Hard to keep it short though
Firm and consistant limits are vital for a child and needs to be followed up with consequences.From consequences children don't learn new ways of behaviour though. Next to consequences they need modelling, teaching and positive reinforcement to adapt constructively.

We are likely to get back to work because we get reinforced by a paycheck. Everything what makes us feel good, a smile, a compliment, a reward, stimulates us to repeat a behaviour.
Positive reinforcement stimulates the self image of a child. The self image affects everything we do.

When a child misbehaves a lot than we are likely to tell him of more often than we would like. We start to expect it and our actions towards them add to their change to fail again. The child will become to believe that he/she is bad and acts on it. So how can we influence behaviour positively?

Give a child as much positive attention as possible. It gives the child the feeling that he is important and worthwhile to listen too. If you listen to him it is more likely they listen to you.
The child learns that he doesn’t have to act out to get us to attend to them.

Everybody needs some form of control in their life. If children just learn to follow rules they don’t learn to think for themselves. Give the child some control in his life depending on the age. It can be as simple as choosing the colour of a shirt.

Make it always clear what you expect from them. Give detailed instructions. Sometimes you have to break a project in pieces. When a child has to tidy his room and finds it difficult you might start with: “Pick up all the books and put them into your bookcase” every week you add something. Check if your instructions are understood.

Tell your child what the reward is or what the consequences are when he does or doesn’t do what you expect him to do. Find out what motivates the child. For one child a good reward will be staying up 15 minutes longer for another child it will be extra pocket money.
Give them a choice. Tell them “When you tidy your room $2 will go towards your pocket money. If you don’t tidy your room you won’t have enough money to go to the movie with your friend.”

Never argue with a child! You will not win. The only thing you might say is somethinglike “I know that you find it hard but I expect that your room is tidy by Sunday.” It acknowledges the child’s perceptions. When he starts to scream put up a brick wall. Stay calm. The child will soon discover that all this doesn’t work.

Stay always positive and never tell them that they are lazy or bad. Remember the behaviour is
bad not the child. Wait for the good behaviour and tell them.Don’t just say good boy or good girl. Give him a detailed description of what he did right. Often they don’t realise when they do the right thing.

Model the right behaviour yourself. When you tell them not to smoke when you start your second packet the child won't take you serious.

Last but not least. Look good after yourself and reward yourself for all your good work.

Good luck, Marja