A friend send me this today
These were posted on an NZ Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humor.
Q: Does it ever get windy in NZ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kiwi birds in the street? ( USA )
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Auckland to Wellington - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in NZ? Can you send me a list of
them in Auckland , Wellington , Christchurch and Queenstown ? ( UK )
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in NZ ? ( USA )
A: Africa is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
New - Zealand is that island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Auckland city . Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in NZ ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into NZ ? ( UK )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )
A: New-Zealand is that quaint little country , which is ...
oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in
Auckland city , straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Can I wear high heels in NZ ? ( UK )
A: You are a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Auckland and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in NZ who can Dispense spider serum. ( USA )
A: poisonous spiders live in America which is where YOU come from. All NZ spiders are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets . You should find some for yourself when you get here. Especially the ones with white tails .
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in NZ ? ( USA )
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Auckland where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )
A: Yes, gay night clubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in NZ ? ( France )
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: I was in NZ in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Wellington. Can you help? (UK)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first